Cookies, Cookies, I'm Tired of Cookies

IMG_0026, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Why can't I stop eating these darn cookies? You think the smell would turn my stomach by now, but alas, I am still eating these darn things. I think it's because AF is nearing and I always crave sweets during that time.
I am back to counting my calories, and boosting my fiber and protein. I want to loose this weight. I want to get back down the 40 lbs that I lost a year ago and have since put back on. I am tired of being unhealthy already. I know that I say that a lot, but I didn't some sole searching last night, and I am going gangbusters this year. I really wanna do it. No more hiding behind my FAT anymore.
Sounds like I am leading up to a NEW YEARS RESOLUTION, huh? Don't hold your breath. I don't think I will do a resolution this year. I seem to forget about it after a few weeks and I never stick to them, so I vow to not have a new years resolution this year.

Christmas 2008

IMG_0017, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Christmas went by fast this year. On Christmas Eve we went to Jerry's Aunt and Uncles house for dinner and gifts. It was really fun to play with the kids and help them open thier gifts. We also played some new games for the adult gift exchange. We played Christmas BINGO for the ladies, and the men played a game where they started off with 2 gifts, then "The night before Christmas" was read and everytime they heard the work "THE" they had to pass one gift to the left and one to the right.
After we left there, Jerry and I opened the gifts that we got eachother. I recieved a couple of Wii games I wanted, so we played one of them with our friend Andy until after Midnight.
On Christmas morning I made giant cinnamon rolls and we had those for breakfast. At 1:00 we headed over to his aunt and uncle's house on his dad's side of the family. We ate yummy turkey and cheesy potatoes and exchanged gifts. His aunt Pat brought her little dog Honey with and everyone took turns playing with her.
After that we made the hour long treak to my mom's house for Beef Burgandy,cookies, and more gifts.
We had Friday off, then on Saturday my Dad and his family came down from Duluth. We had dinner, exchanged more gifts, and played "Catch Pharse", and my brothers and my husband and Mel's boyfriend played Wii.
All in all, Christmas was very nice this year. I can't wait until next year when we will hopefully have our own kids to do Christmas things with.

No Adoption Update yet!

This weekend was pretty fun. On Saturday morning Naz and Tekaija were dropped off by their parents. The snow had already started to fall, but no worries, I baked homemade gingerbread houses. They had a blast decorating them, then my husband judged whos was the best. Of couse it was a tie. I thought it was cute that he gave them reasons that he liked each one.
Then we hung out and had Alfredo with chicken for dinner, then we watched Spy Kids.
On Sunday, we woke up and made pancakes and sausage for breakfast. Then everyone had a bath. Naz had his with bubbles. Around 1:00pm my sister Melanie came over and Tekaija and I went to the Nutcracker Ballet. Her exact words when I asked if she had a good time were, "It was AWESOME!"
I am glad that she had a good time. Uncle Jerry and Naz had a good time too. They read books, watched a movie, and took a nap.
After we got back from the Nutcraker we played a bit of Guitar Hero, then packed everything up and went to McDonalds for dinner, then we made the trek to take the critters home.
I felt really good about the weekend. It's so easy to have them over. We have fun, and I am sure that they do too.
I can't wait to see them on Christmas Eve!

Christmas is only a few days away!

Christmas is getting closer. Today at work we had a holiday lunch with our whole department at Jimmy’s, a restaurant that’s close to the office. I had the best French Dip sandwich with aus jux and shoestring French fries. We also got a chance to reveal who our Secret Santa’s were. Mine was a lovely girl named Heather, who was very generous with all my presents.

Tonight I will have to get my house cleaned because in the morning my niece and nephew will be visiting for an overnight. On Sunday Jerry has people over for our fantasy football championship, hence the reason the house needs to be clean. Also on Sunday my niece and I as well as my two sisters will be hitting the theatre. We are going to the Nutcracker at the State Theatre downtown. I am very excited. I hope that Tekaija, my niece will enjoy herself. She loves dancing, so I think she will.

Last night I was able to get Jerry’s gifts wrapped before he got home from work, I just have one gift left to get in the mail. Its expected delivery date is on Monday. It is being shipped from Canada, and for that reason is taking longer then normal. It’s a good thing that I didn’t wait any longer to order it, or it never would have made it here. As it is, I am crossing my fingers and saying prayers day and night that it makes it to my house in time for Christmas Eve night.

Adoption Update: I sent a follow up e-mail to our Social Worker yesterday, I haven't heard from her yet. I expect that she won't get back to me until after Christmas.

Babies

I had a long talk last night with my sister-in-law who is due to give birth on Monday and is very ready to have her pregnancy over. We had a good talk, but then we started talking about how my sister doesn’t talk about having babies with me because she doesn’t want me to be upset because Jerry and I are not able to have them. She said that she was afraid to tell me when she got pregnant because she didn’t want to upset me. I hope I don’t give off this vibe that people are afraid to talk to me about sensitive things.
After talking to her I was so sad. I hadn’t thought about having babies in a while, and everything just came bubbling to the surface, especially when my husband started to tell me how everyone at work is asking questions about our adoption process. It was more then I could handle, I guess, because I awoke in the middle of the night with a panic attack.
I know that it was my own fault for letting everything bottle up the way I do. I know that I need to take better care of myself then that. I wish I would have taken a little time to journal, or call someone that would understand. It’s really hard, because none of my friends and family REALLY understand what it feels like.
Some have been through infertility, but in the end have been blessed with a cuddly baby in their arms that is half them, and half their spouse. They were there for their child’s first breath. I know that I can love a child that is not my “own” with my whole heart, but I worry that I will always feel like I missed out on something. I hope I don’t.

The good and the bad from yesterday

Yesterday was not a very good day for Jerry. It turns out that Best Buy is doing voluntary layoffs, as they need to reduce headcount at the corporate office to make their numbers. If they don’t get enough volunteers, then they will be doing mandatory layoffs in February. He loves his job and is very good at it, so he doesn’t plan to leave voluntarily, but now he’s quite worried about the whole matter. I am worried as well, but there’s not much I can do about it. I know that we will be fine if he was to lose his job, but I don’t want him to have to go through that.
He also decided to take my Christmas present back, because he spent a lot more then he normally spends. He wanted to surprise me with my 1000.00 massage chair because my back and shoulders have been bothering me so much lately with my arthritis. What a thoughtful thing to do. I have the best husband. Now, he will just have to get something for me that is not so extravagant. I am sure that I will love whatever he chooses and I gave him plenty of ideas on my Christmas list.

What’s the most expensive thing your husband/boyfriend has ever given you for Christmas that you didn’t expect?

Christmas and Kids

I received my Zero Child Waiting news letter this weekend. It’s a news letter that gets sent out monthly and contains things relating to adoption through foster care etc. I didn’t realize that there are more then 600 kids in foster care right now. There are only 100 or so on the online listing site that I look at once a week: www.marn.org. It gets me curious what other kids are out there that could be ours some day. I know that I have likened it to having a baby before, because you don’t know what you will get. We don’t know if we will get a boy and a girl, or two girls, or two boys. We just don’t know, but the reality is, that we won’t know beyond gender just what we get either. At least with a birth child you know where they come from, and what genetically they could get from you or your husband. I feel like I am putting a lot of trust into the almighty that he will choose for us wisely.
I am letting myself start believing that this will be our last Christmas that we celebrate alone. I am keeping it light though, because I know all to well that things could change in a heartbeat, but I am getting a wee bit excited for it.
This weekend our niece and nephew will be coming over on Saturday. I think Jerry and I have plans to take them to the $ store to get some small things for their parents and grandparents. Then on Sunday my sisters, my niece and I are going to the Nutcracker and my nephew will be spending some quality time with Uncle Jerry. It should be nice. Then, next week is the big week!

Questions

I feel like I babble when I blog. I know that it’s really just a way to keep everyone updated on what’s going on with our adoption process, but in these times where there isn’t anything going on then I don’t know what to write about.
If there are any topics that you would like to know about, please feel free to send me an e-mail or write a comment on this post with your ideas. I guess, I am feeling a bit “lost” right now. I am running out of topics that I think are worthy of your time, but I am critical of my own ideas so it would be nice to hear yours.

So, on that note, I thought I would talk about the music that I am listening to right now. Keeping with the Twilight theme from yesterday’s blog, I have been listening to the Soundtrack on my mp3 player. To hear some of the songs you can follow this link:
Twilight Soundtrack
I have also been listening to a lot of piano music, which is my favorite. It’s very soothing to me. We used a bunch of piano music at our wedding.

'Twilight' Zoned

I have been totally obsessed these past few weeks with Twilight. I know what you are thinking. I am a thirty-two year old woman in love with a fictional story. I can’t help it. I stumbled across this book series by accident. This summer my husband and I took a trip to New York and Boston, and I needed a book to take along. I had just completed the book I read, and wanted one for the plane. Turns out I liked the cover of New Moon because it had a Tulip on it. I love Tulips. I didn’t realize that it was the 2nd book in the series by Stephanie Meyer. Once I started to read it, I was hooked, and I have been ever since. Upon our return home, I went and bought the first book, as well as the 3rd. I read those in a week, and preordered the final book in the series, which I read the weekend it came.
Well, as the world knows, the first movie came out at the end of November, and I have seen it a few times already. I also have the soundtrack.
Last weekend I was talking to my husband about this phenomenon, and expressed to him that I feel like a 12 year old girl. What the heck? Am I having a pre-midlife crisis going on?

Me

Me, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

I don't really have any new updates on our Adoption process. Just waiting, like always.
We have been really busy shopping for Christmas gifts, and decorating. I baked cookies last weekend with my sister Melanie. We had fun, but didn't finish. She ended up taking the pretzels home to dip in chocolate. I am planning to make some decorated sugar cookies too. Baking takes a ton of time.
Once that's done, I will have to get busy wrapping all those gifts we have been buying. Each year we end up buying for more and more people. ugh.