Rest in Peace Trouble Ann Osowski

Trouble was born Nov 19, 1994 and came to live with Jerry's family 3 weeks later. At the time, I lived with Jerry's family too and also got a puppy from Trouble's litter. My puppy was Treena, and we lost her a few years ago. About 6 years ago Trouble came to live with us when Jerry's move moved somewhere she couldn't have dogs and has been with us ever since. She loved having the backyard to run around it. She also loved going to the cabin and playing in the water. She was so smart. Jerry's grandma taught her tons of tricks like her famous "bang bang your dead" where she would roll over on her back, legs in the air. She also taught her to say "I love you" by sneezing instead of barking. Of all my dogs she was the most laid back and easy going. She had one ear that was permanently stuck straight up since she was only months old.

Today started like any other day, and soon turned bad. 20 minutes after Jerry walked out the door, I went down to the kitchen and Tullah and Trouble followed me, but once Trouble got to the bottom of the stairs she couldn't walk with her back legs. I knew immediatly that I had to get her to the vet, that she wasn't going to "walk it off". For the past year or so, she has dragged her legs down the stairs instead of walking down them, but she usually starts walking when she gets to the bottom.

I was fortunate enough to get her into the vet right away. They looked her over and tried a few things, but the prognosis was not good. She has progressive nerve damage, and he didn't think that she would be able to walk on her own again. I called Jerry, and he came to the vet, and we put her to sleep. I never thought that my day would start like that.

Babies

I had a long talk last night with my sister-in-law who is due to give birth on Monday and is very ready to have her pregnancy over. We had a good talk, but then we started talking about how my sister doesn’t talk about having babies with me because she doesn’t want me to be upset because Jerry and I are not able to have them. She said that she was afraid to tell me when she got pregnant because she didn’t want to upset me. I hope I don’t give off this vibe that people are afraid to talk to me about sensitive things.
After talking to her I was so sad. I hadn’t thought about having babies in a while, and everything just came bubbling to the surface, especially when my husband started to tell me how everyone at work is asking questions about our adoption process. It was more then I could handle, I guess, because I awoke in the middle of the night with a panic attack.
I know that it was my own fault for letting everything bottle up the way I do. I know that I need to take better care of myself then that. I wish I would have taken a little time to journal, or call someone that would understand. It’s really hard, because none of my friends and family REALLY understand what it feels like.
Some have been through infertility, but in the end have been blessed with a cuddly baby in their arms that is half them, and half their spouse. They were there for their child’s first breath. I know that I can love a child that is not my “own” with my whole heart, but I worry that I will always feel like I missed out on something. I hope I don’t.

The good and the bad from yesterday

Yesterday was not a very good day for Jerry. It turns out that Best Buy is doing voluntary layoffs, as they need to reduce headcount at the corporate office to make their numbers. If they don’t get enough volunteers, then they will be doing mandatory layoffs in February. He loves his job and is very good at it, so he doesn’t plan to leave voluntarily, but now he’s quite worried about the whole matter. I am worried as well, but there’s not much I can do about it. I know that we will be fine if he was to lose his job, but I don’t want him to have to go through that.
He also decided to take my Christmas present back, because he spent a lot more then he normally spends. He wanted to surprise me with my 1000.00 massage chair because my back and shoulders have been bothering me so much lately with my arthritis. What a thoughtful thing to do. I have the best husband. Now, he will just have to get something for me that is not so extravagant. I am sure that I will love whatever he chooses and I gave him plenty of ideas on my Christmas list.

What’s the most expensive thing your husband/boyfriend has ever given you for Christmas that you didn’t expect?

Ugh, Need to Vent

I don't know what's going on with this lady. A half hour from when I was about to leave to go to our appointment with the social worker, I got an e-mail, not a phone call, but and e-mail to tell me she had to cancel because she was having car problems. This is so unacceptable. Why does she have such a problem following through on commitments, and why does she have such a career where time is sensitive to people? 'nuf said.