Cookies, Cookies, I'm Tired of Cookies

IMG_0026, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Why can't I stop eating these darn cookies? You think the smell would turn my stomach by now, but alas, I am still eating these darn things. I think it's because AF is nearing and I always crave sweets during that time.
I am back to counting my calories, and boosting my fiber and protein. I want to loose this weight. I want to get back down the 40 lbs that I lost a year ago and have since put back on. I am tired of being unhealthy already. I know that I say that a lot, but I didn't some sole searching last night, and I am going gangbusters this year. I really wanna do it. No more hiding behind my FAT anymore.
Sounds like I am leading up to a NEW YEARS RESOLUTION, huh? Don't hold your breath. I don't think I will do a resolution this year. I seem to forget about it after a few weeks and I never stick to them, so I vow to not have a new years resolution this year.

Christmas 2008

IMG_0017, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Christmas went by fast this year. On Christmas Eve we went to Jerry's Aunt and Uncles house for dinner and gifts. It was really fun to play with the kids and help them open thier gifts. We also played some new games for the adult gift exchange. We played Christmas BINGO for the ladies, and the men played a game where they started off with 2 gifts, then "The night before Christmas" was read and everytime they heard the work "THE" they had to pass one gift to the left and one to the right.
After we left there, Jerry and I opened the gifts that we got eachother. I recieved a couple of Wii games I wanted, so we played one of them with our friend Andy until after Midnight.
On Christmas morning I made giant cinnamon rolls and we had those for breakfast. At 1:00 we headed over to his aunt and uncle's house on his dad's side of the family. We ate yummy turkey and cheesy potatoes and exchanged gifts. His aunt Pat brought her little dog Honey with and everyone took turns playing with her.
After that we made the hour long treak to my mom's house for Beef Burgandy,cookies, and more gifts.
We had Friday off, then on Saturday my Dad and his family came down from Duluth. We had dinner, exchanged more gifts, and played "Catch Pharse", and my brothers and my husband and Mel's boyfriend played Wii.
All in all, Christmas was very nice this year. I can't wait until next year when we will hopefully have our own kids to do Christmas things with.

No Adoption Update yet!

This weekend was pretty fun. On Saturday morning Naz and Tekaija were dropped off by their parents. The snow had already started to fall, but no worries, I baked homemade gingerbread houses. They had a blast decorating them, then my husband judged whos was the best. Of couse it was a tie. I thought it was cute that he gave them reasons that he liked each one.
Then we hung out and had Alfredo with chicken for dinner, then we watched Spy Kids.
On Sunday, we woke up and made pancakes and sausage for breakfast. Then everyone had a bath. Naz had his with bubbles. Around 1:00pm my sister Melanie came over and Tekaija and I went to the Nutcracker Ballet. Her exact words when I asked if she had a good time were, "It was AWESOME!"
I am glad that she had a good time. Uncle Jerry and Naz had a good time too. They read books, watched a movie, and took a nap.
After we got back from the Nutcraker we played a bit of Guitar Hero, then packed everything up and went to McDonalds for dinner, then we made the trek to take the critters home.
I felt really good about the weekend. It's so easy to have them over. We have fun, and I am sure that they do too.
I can't wait to see them on Christmas Eve!

Christmas is only a few days away!

Christmas is getting closer. Today at work we had a holiday lunch with our whole department at Jimmy’s, a restaurant that’s close to the office. I had the best French Dip sandwich with aus jux and shoestring French fries. We also got a chance to reveal who our Secret Santa’s were. Mine was a lovely girl named Heather, who was very generous with all my presents.

Tonight I will have to get my house cleaned because in the morning my niece and nephew will be visiting for an overnight. On Sunday Jerry has people over for our fantasy football championship, hence the reason the house needs to be clean. Also on Sunday my niece and I as well as my two sisters will be hitting the theatre. We are going to the Nutcracker at the State Theatre downtown. I am very excited. I hope that Tekaija, my niece will enjoy herself. She loves dancing, so I think she will.

Last night I was able to get Jerry’s gifts wrapped before he got home from work, I just have one gift left to get in the mail. Its expected delivery date is on Monday. It is being shipped from Canada, and for that reason is taking longer then normal. It’s a good thing that I didn’t wait any longer to order it, or it never would have made it here. As it is, I am crossing my fingers and saying prayers day and night that it makes it to my house in time for Christmas Eve night.

Adoption Update: I sent a follow up e-mail to our Social Worker yesterday, I haven't heard from her yet. I expect that she won't get back to me until after Christmas.

Babies

I had a long talk last night with my sister-in-law who is due to give birth on Monday and is very ready to have her pregnancy over. We had a good talk, but then we started talking about how my sister doesn’t talk about having babies with me because she doesn’t want me to be upset because Jerry and I are not able to have them. She said that she was afraid to tell me when she got pregnant because she didn’t want to upset me. I hope I don’t give off this vibe that people are afraid to talk to me about sensitive things.
After talking to her I was so sad. I hadn’t thought about having babies in a while, and everything just came bubbling to the surface, especially when my husband started to tell me how everyone at work is asking questions about our adoption process. It was more then I could handle, I guess, because I awoke in the middle of the night with a panic attack.
I know that it was my own fault for letting everything bottle up the way I do. I know that I need to take better care of myself then that. I wish I would have taken a little time to journal, or call someone that would understand. It’s really hard, because none of my friends and family REALLY understand what it feels like.
Some have been through infertility, but in the end have been blessed with a cuddly baby in their arms that is half them, and half their spouse. They were there for their child’s first breath. I know that I can love a child that is not my “own” with my whole heart, but I worry that I will always feel like I missed out on something. I hope I don’t.

The good and the bad from yesterday

Yesterday was not a very good day for Jerry. It turns out that Best Buy is doing voluntary layoffs, as they need to reduce headcount at the corporate office to make their numbers. If they don’t get enough volunteers, then they will be doing mandatory layoffs in February. He loves his job and is very good at it, so he doesn’t plan to leave voluntarily, but now he’s quite worried about the whole matter. I am worried as well, but there’s not much I can do about it. I know that we will be fine if he was to lose his job, but I don’t want him to have to go through that.
He also decided to take my Christmas present back, because he spent a lot more then he normally spends. He wanted to surprise me with my 1000.00 massage chair because my back and shoulders have been bothering me so much lately with my arthritis. What a thoughtful thing to do. I have the best husband. Now, he will just have to get something for me that is not so extravagant. I am sure that I will love whatever he chooses and I gave him plenty of ideas on my Christmas list.

What’s the most expensive thing your husband/boyfriend has ever given you for Christmas that you didn’t expect?

Christmas and Kids

I received my Zero Child Waiting news letter this weekend. It’s a news letter that gets sent out monthly and contains things relating to adoption through foster care etc. I didn’t realize that there are more then 600 kids in foster care right now. There are only 100 or so on the online listing site that I look at once a week: www.marn.org. It gets me curious what other kids are out there that could be ours some day. I know that I have likened it to having a baby before, because you don’t know what you will get. We don’t know if we will get a boy and a girl, or two girls, or two boys. We just don’t know, but the reality is, that we won’t know beyond gender just what we get either. At least with a birth child you know where they come from, and what genetically they could get from you or your husband. I feel like I am putting a lot of trust into the almighty that he will choose for us wisely.
I am letting myself start believing that this will be our last Christmas that we celebrate alone. I am keeping it light though, because I know all to well that things could change in a heartbeat, but I am getting a wee bit excited for it.
This weekend our niece and nephew will be coming over on Saturday. I think Jerry and I have plans to take them to the $ store to get some small things for their parents and grandparents. Then on Sunday my sisters, my niece and I are going to the Nutcracker and my nephew will be spending some quality time with Uncle Jerry. It should be nice. Then, next week is the big week!

Questions

I feel like I babble when I blog. I know that it’s really just a way to keep everyone updated on what’s going on with our adoption process, but in these times where there isn’t anything going on then I don’t know what to write about.
If there are any topics that you would like to know about, please feel free to send me an e-mail or write a comment on this post with your ideas. I guess, I am feeling a bit “lost” right now. I am running out of topics that I think are worthy of your time, but I am critical of my own ideas so it would be nice to hear yours.

So, on that note, I thought I would talk about the music that I am listening to right now. Keeping with the Twilight theme from yesterday’s blog, I have been listening to the Soundtrack on my mp3 player. To hear some of the songs you can follow this link:
Twilight Soundtrack
I have also been listening to a lot of piano music, which is my favorite. It’s very soothing to me. We used a bunch of piano music at our wedding.

'Twilight' Zoned

I have been totally obsessed these past few weeks with Twilight. I know what you are thinking. I am a thirty-two year old woman in love with a fictional story. I can’t help it. I stumbled across this book series by accident. This summer my husband and I took a trip to New York and Boston, and I needed a book to take along. I had just completed the book I read, and wanted one for the plane. Turns out I liked the cover of New Moon because it had a Tulip on it. I love Tulips. I didn’t realize that it was the 2nd book in the series by Stephanie Meyer. Once I started to read it, I was hooked, and I have been ever since. Upon our return home, I went and bought the first book, as well as the 3rd. I read those in a week, and preordered the final book in the series, which I read the weekend it came.
Well, as the world knows, the first movie came out at the end of November, and I have seen it a few times already. I also have the soundtrack.
Last weekend I was talking to my husband about this phenomenon, and expressed to him that I feel like a 12 year old girl. What the heck? Am I having a pre-midlife crisis going on?

Me

Me, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

I don't really have any new updates on our Adoption process. Just waiting, like always.
We have been really busy shopping for Christmas gifts, and decorating. I baked cookies last weekend with my sister Melanie. We had fun, but didn't finish. She ended up taking the pretzels home to dip in chocolate. I am planning to make some decorated sugar cookies too. Baking takes a ton of time.
Once that's done, I will have to get busy wrapping all those gifts we have been buying. Each year we end up buying for more and more people. ugh.

Happy Thanksgiving

let the pilgrims and indians live together in peace and harmony, originally uploaded by romeo'smom.

I am thankful for good friends
I am thankful for my loving family
I am thankful to have a good husband
I am thankful that I live in a free country
I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and shoes on my feet
I am thankful for all the opportunities I have been given
I am thanful for all the blessings I have received
I am thankful that our SW will be done writing up our homestudy in 2 weeks and then we will begin the matching process.

Getting Antsy for our homestudy write-up to be done. I am trying not to think about it too much, but every once in a while I start to daydream about how life will change when we have kids. Both my sisters-in-law called this weekend to tell us what they are naming their boys, both due in the next couple months. One will be Bryce and the other will be Isryel. It's weird that they are both interested in replacing the vowel in these names with "y". Well, they are sisters after all. I am looking forward to meeting both these little guys. It would be fun if we get kids around the same time, because then we would all have new kids.

This weekend should be a down weekend for us. It's started to snow here where I live, and I will be putting some last minute lawn stuff away, and trying to get some leaves raked if the snow melts. I was able to get the front yard done, but since the storm yesterday, my backyard is now a mess with wet leaves.
So, as I look forward to some much needed down time, I wanted to wish everyone a restful, relaxing weekend as well.

An E-mail I just received.

Although, I don't normally agree with David Letterman on anything, I think this was poignant.

No matter what your political convictions are this is an eye
opener....What a thankless people we are!!! David Letterman, on
President Bush. (Surprising)
David Letterman wrote this; it's David we don't often see....

'As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever
been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it
seems to hit the mark.'
'The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some
Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the
source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans
are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of
the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In
essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So
being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so
unhappy about?'
A. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7
Days a week?
B. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the
summer and heating in the winter?
C. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
D. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time
and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
E. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the
Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present
identification papers as we move through each state.
F. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find
along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
G. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from
around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show
up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take
you to the hospital.
I. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a
fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use
top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your
family, and your belongings.
K. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a
burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a
bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against
attack or loss.
L. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or
militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90%
of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we
enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that i s what
has 67% of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the
world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a
great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most
blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we
don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the
good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has
no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent
approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in
the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an
economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been
called every name in the
book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe
from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer
army that is out there defending you and me?
Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did
this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a
look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually
caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was
failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have
volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your
freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have
to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a
''general'' discharge, an 'other than honorable'' discharge or, worst
case scenario, a ''dishonorable' discharge after a few days in the
brig. So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69
percent of Americans?
Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads
and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with
blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the
corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit
corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to
defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just
ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a
book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have
done it this way......Insane!
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the
bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as
a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among
the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a
day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.' 'With hurricanes,
tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe
thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with
the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a
good time to
take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
-David Letterman

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Tonight's the night. We are having our Annual Halloween Party! I'm excited and looking forward to the night. Hopefully, we will have a good turn out, but not too good, because my house gets pretty HOT when there's lots of people running around. I just hope that my dog doesn't freak out. She loves people and gets really excited when there's lots of people and energy flowing though my house.

Can you Believe It?

It's already Thursday and I still haven't finished my Halloween Costume. I started it last night, but I want to add more "Stuff" to it. I don't have long. We are expecting people at our house right after work tomorrow to eat Chili, and enjoy Trick-or-Treaters. Then to Par-Tay...
We have a Halloween Party at our house every year. We have more and more guests come every year. This year we are expecting about 60 - 70. I will be taking tons of photos, and I shall share them this weekend, once i recover.
We have a costume contest, and have some really great costumes each year, so it will be tons of fun. I am looking forward to it. Halloween has got to be my favorite holiday.
It will be fun when we have kids to dress up and carve pumpkins with. I will definatly be the mom that goes all out on their costumes, and follows them around the neighborhood when they go out Trick-or-Treating!

Finally

Conference room, originally uploaded by sensitivetype.

We have finally answered every question that the SW asked of us. She has all that she needs. Now she will talk to Josh, Elisabeth, and our renter Andy. She promisses to do this by the end of the week. Then she will begin her write up of the homestudy. She expects this to be done by Mid November, but knowing her, I think it will be more like late November. Then, we get to start the matching process. I can't believe it...

When we got to our meeting today our SW informed us that she almost didn't make our meeting today because she had to take her girls into the doctor this morning and they thought they might have had strep throat. That would have made me irate!

Well, my mind feels easy and I am satisfied with today's meeting, although truth be told, it could have been done over the phone.

Finally...

Still on for today. In a few hours we will go to our homestudy interview that was rescheduled. If she doesn't call me or send me an e-mail in the next 1.5 hours, then I will be glad to say that is behind us.

Today is also my niece's birthday, and we are going to celebrate with the family at Chucky Cheese. I am a bit bumbed because I left my camera at home, and I won't be going back before we go to the celebration. Guess I will have to use my camera phone, even thou the photos won't be that great. I am excited to see her open her gift. We went in on a Nintendo DS with grandma. She will be so surprised! It's pink! We also got her a few games, I can't wait to see her face.

On the Bottle

On the Bottle, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Little Stinker. Last night after I got home from work my little Tullah was sick. She couldn't hold any food down, nor water. I was in a panic because our last dog Treena had a habit of eating things and getting them stuck in her intestines, and she was showing all the same signs of this.
So, I decided that I would try giving her little sips of water to see if she could keep just little bits down. I did this every 30 minutes until bed time. Then I gave her a handful of food, but she would only take a bite. I figured that was alright, as long as she was still drinking her water.
It seemed to do the trick, she kept it down all night. Then this morning when my husband let her out, she struggled to poo, but after 5-10minutes was able to finally work the blockage out. The little stinker ate one of her rope toys. Ugh, what am I going to do with her?
If I hadn't have known the symptoms, I would have freeked out and taken her to the vet, and it would have cost me hundreds of dollars.
Safe to say, NO MORE rope toys for Tullah.
She's just like a little kid. I have to watch her like a hawk.

At Odds

I had a talk last night with a member of my family that was so upsetting. It was not because they upset me; it was because what we were talking about was upsetting. You see there are people in both of our lives that are not taking good care of themselves, or their families and it’s totally under their own power to fix. How do you make someone become more responsible? As an adult I don’t think it’s possible to force another adult to be responsible without holding them by the hand and doing it with them. But, then you are not helping them be responsible since you are involved in the action.
I am a person who believes that you reap what you sew. I also believe that hard work will pay off. You don’t get something for nothing. So, I sit and stew about it. It’s really hard when you see children being hurt by irresponsible decisions of others. It makes me feel powerless and a bit depressed. I could help, but it would be like giving someone a fish instead of teaching them to catch their own. Ugh, what to do? Do I stick with my principles, or do I concede for the sake of a child?

Homestudy Rescheduled, Next Tuesday

Got an e-mail today. We are now scheduled, AGAIN, for our follow up interview with our Social Worker. So, we are going to try this again over our lunch breaks. I refuse to getmyself excited about this scheduled meeting. Not until it's actually over.
Tonight, I am cooking Chili and Corn Muffins for Dinner tonight. Does is seem like I talk about food alot these days? I guess I do. It's probably the weather. I have been feeling a need to nest and snuggle in now that it's getting cold out.
I am a little nervous because Trouble will be going into the Vet tomorrow. She's been hacking at night, peeing on the floor, and drinking lots of water. I worry that there's something happening to her kidneys. She's 14 years-old now, and off the charts for her breed as far as age. Hopefully, it's something fixable. Poor girl. Send us your prayers, if you could.

Pumpkin Roll

Pumpkin Roll, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Yesterday, I was feeling like Suzy Homemaker. I went home, fed my pets, and then prepared homemade Mac & Cheese, then baked a pumpkin roll with pumpkin cake and cream cheese frosting. After that, I uploaded some photos, did some laundry, cleaned the refrigerator, and did a little sewing on Jerry’s Christmas stocking.
Days like this always make me feel good, because I feel like I got something accomplished and didn’t just while away hours after work doing nothing, which is what I usually feel like.
I was trying to recreate a Macaroni and Cheese dish that I had at a new restaurant in my neighborhood. It turned out a little thicker and creamier then the dish I was trying to emulate, but it was still very good. Next time, I will use milk instead of half and half in the recipe.
I have never been that much of a baker. I do bake my fair share of cookies, but that’s usually where I stop. So, baking a pumpkin roll was a change of pace, and it was really fun to see the outcome. It tasted yummy too.
Twice a year I go through my refrigerator and throw out all the expired condiments that are housed on the door. I couldn’t believe all the stuff that just expired over the summer that was in my fridge. It’s nice to have that stuff gone. At least I don’t have to look at it anymore, and when I open the fridge, I don’t see goo from syrup, or ketchup smudges on the shelves. In a few weeks we will be having our Halloween party, and I didn’t want people going into my fridge and seeing that mess.
Today, I am hoping to finish up my laundry, and hopefully wash the curtains in my bedroom. They are looking a little dusty, so it’s about time.

Also, I have added the followers gadget on the side of my blog. If you haven't already done so, it would be great if you follow my blog that you add yourself. It's an easy way for me to check out the blogs that all of my readers have by clicking your picture. If you don't want to I understand.

Kid's Fezs

Kid's Fezs, originally uploaded by Glen Mullaly.

This weekend was so much fun. We had the Rugrats over Friday night. This is the second weekend in a row we have been able to see them.
We did a little Wii Bowling, then played Monkeyball on the Wii. Jerry has been getting really involved with them when they come over. It just melts my heart when he pulls them close and give them a kiss on the top of their heads.
On Saturday we made a big breakfast, painted some pumkins, and then it was off to the Shrine Circus. We took them last year, but they were much more into it this year. Sorry, I have no pictures this year because they busted me at the gate with my camera. UGH. Once Jerry ran back to the car to lock it up, we walked into the arena to hundreds of flashes and cameras. I 'm a bit miffed. I didn't get any pictures of the kids riding the ponies after the performance was over.
We ate quite a bit ; hotdogs, snow cones, cotton candy, mini donuts and nachos. I can't believe we ate so much considering we had lunch before we went.
The kids were also able to get some autographes from clowns and some other acts. It's so cute when children meet clowns. Just the awe on their little faces is fun to watch.
On the way to drop the kids off at home, the rugrats were so sad. They wanted to spend more time with us. I love those little buggers so much.
Can't wait for the new ones to come in the next months.

Stocking

Stocking, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

During my Nap Study this afternoon I was able to finish the first of two felt Christmas Stockings that I am sewing to replace the ones my dog ate two years ago. Last year we used the origional red ones that we had before my grandma knit us ones with our names on them.

So, an update on my sleep study. Everything went well last night and today. I was able to fall asleep 3 out of the 4 naps I took today. For some reason all that naping with 2 hours of waiting in between really tired me out. I could have used another nap when I got home this afternoon.

If you have ever had a sleep study you will know that it's not that easy to fall asleep with wires hooked up to your head, legs, and fingers. I am a restless kind of sleeper, so there was more then one time the technician had to come in and reconnect something I had pulled off.

It's a bummer that I won't get the results for another week. I am anxious to see how it all turned out.

Sleeping like a baby

Sleeping like a baby, originally uploaded by Chris Gin.

Tonight I have another sleep study. This means that I have to leave my house at 8:00pm, arrive at the office, ring the bell, and be brought into a room equipped with a bed, nightstand and TV. I then have to change into my pajamas that I don’t mind people to see and be hooked to all kinds of wires and instruments for measuring a handful of different things. This is all in preparation for Thursday where I will be instructed to take a nap which I will be awoken from after a few minutes when they have their data. This will happen about 5-6 times. This is all in an attempt to determine if my brain falls asleep correctly.
I have to go through this process because my CPAP is not helping me feel refreshed in the morning, even though I am now getting the restorative sleep that my body needs. If my brain is falling asleep correctly, I might have some other problem with my brain chemistry. If I have that, they will give me a medicine to stimulate my brain during the day. To me this doesn’t sound like fun, although it would be nice to not feel tired during the day.

Fall Day Out My Window

Fall day out my Window pane, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

The weather has been pretty gloomy these past few days, and I am hoping for some nicer weather to come. It makes my mood gloomy when the weather is bad. Maybe I have Seasonal Effective Disorder, or something like that.
I still haven't heard back from our SW yet to reschedule our interview. We don't have availability next week anyways. We got a letter in the mail yesterday for a Reunion night for our Adoption class. I won't be able to make, but I do often wonder if the others from my class are having the same issues that we are?

Little Elves

Little Elves, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

This weekend we had the little monsters over on Saturday night. We woke up yesterday and made a big breakfest. After breakfest we made sugar cookies and then decorated them. We had tons of fun. Little Guy came to us with some new words this weekend. First, we were on the way home from their house and he asked if we could go to Chucky Cheese, and my DH said not this weekend, and little guy's response was , "awe, that's so bogus."
Another new word, "Uncle". Little guy has finally started calling my husband Uncle. Previously, he wouldn't call him anything, or he would need to be prompted. He's so talkative. It's wonderful.
We also got the news on Friday night that their mom is going to have another boy. Sunni showed us the ultrasound pictures, and I think the new little guy has the same profile as little Naz. That's a great thing because he's such a cutie.
Good news for next weekend! We have tickets to the Circus, so we will get to see them again next weekend. Yay!

This weekend is going to be busy. We have to get back in to the SW for our reschedule, then on Wednesday night I have my second sleep study to see if they can figure out why I am not feeling better after starting CPAP. I will be in their offices all day on Thursday for additional test. I am not looking forward to it, but I am optomistic that they will be able to diagnos my sleepiness.

gretchen

gretchen, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

So, yesterday, I showed you the drawing of Prissy. Today, I am sharing with you a drawing of myself. I think it turned out fairly well, although my nose is a little big, and my eyebrows aren't as bushy as they are in real life.
The reason I have been drawing so much lately is because I read a post on Flickr the other day about drawing cartoons. I wanted to try it, and I don't even come close. I will continue to practice, but I am sure I will get bored and it will go by the wayside just like everything else I get all excited about. I have so many half completed projects around my house. If I were to finish some of them, I would have so much more storage room. I can't bare to through away all the fabric, paper, yarn, beads, paint, brushes, floss, etc. There's so much time and energy wrapped up in those things for me.
I guess that explains a little of my personality right? I start projects with a fuery, then when something doesn't go like I would like it, I drop it like a hot potato and then start something new. It's a good thing my realtionships aren't like that, or I wouldn't have any friends and family that would talk to me, huh?
I hope everyone has a good weekend. Enjoy the fall weather for those of you that have pretty fall colors to look at. I know that I will. I just hope it doesn't rain. I don't want to spend my weekend cleaning up muddy puppy paws.

Not a good Day

I just got a call from my sister-in-law and she told me they had to put little miss Prissy down to sleep today. The world works in such mysterious ways. What are the odds that I would put a post up about her this morning, then get a call like this just a few hours later. I'm so sad.

Little Miss Prissy I will miss you so.

Ugh, Need to Vent

I don't know what's going on with this lady. A half hour from when I was about to leave to go to our appointment with the social worker, I got an e-mail, not a phone call, but and e-mail to tell me she had to cancel because she was having car problems. This is so unacceptable. Why does she have such a problem following through on commitments, and why does she have such a career where time is sensitive to people? 'nuf said.

Miss Prissy

Miss Prissy, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

This is a drawing of the sweet little kitty that lives in the abandoned store behing my sister-in-laws house. She's taken care of by the her landlord, but for the most part lives outside and seems happy to do so. We have been going down to Missour to visit my sister-in-law every year for maybe 4-5 years now and everytime we pull up in front of thier house we are greeted by little miss Prissy. There have been a few times I have thought that I would love to sneek her into my bag and take her home with me. Over the summer when we were down visiting my inlaws I noticed that she's getting very thin. My sister-in-law said that she's been taken to the vet, and she's alright, but I wonder if she will be around when we go down next year. I hope so, because I have grown attached to her. Whenever I am down there I make it a point to sit in the grass and pet her as much as I can. We have a connextion the two of us. We are like kindred spirits or something.

On a lighter note...Today's the day we have our appointment with the Social Worker. So, we get to answer all the remaining questions that she might have. Then, we leave it up to her again. Ugh. That's the hardest part of this, there's not a lot of contol over the situation really. It's always in someone else's hands.

My husband last night decided to buy a plasma TV. It's ment to go over the fireplace in the house we are building in the spring. His company gave the employees a very good deal then we could pass up. It's a 42" tv. We put it into our den for now, but we aren't down there much because we just finished the painting, and now we need t get carpet, but once that's done, I think we will certianly be using it more.

And Another Thing that Makes Me Unique

I went back to the sleep doc this morning for my checkup. I was looking forward to this visit because I am still receiving no relief even after religiously using my CPAP machine. I still need to take naps at lunch and I often feel too tired to do anything. Well, she wants me to come back for another overnight sleep study with a nap study all the next day. This will be taking place next Wednesday and Thursday. She will be looking for signs or narcolepsy. If that’s not discovered then I will be treated for Idiopathic Hyper somnolence This basically means that a person is excessively sleepy with out an identifiable cause. If this is the case I will be one of the 200,000 people that live with this. Good thing it can be treated with amphetamines, not. That makes me nervous. I could be a 32 year old on Ritalin.

Old Friends

On Friday night I had dinner with my sister and some friends of ours from the neighborhood we grew up in. I have not laughed so much for a real long time. We had drinks and ate good food. We told stories of what we have been up to, and how our lives have changed, but then the conversation turned to bodily functions like it always does when girls get together.
The funniest thing came out of these conversations. Prepare yourself; how can you tell the difference between a cat fart and a dog fart? Well, a cat fart smells like fish. So obvious, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. It’s so much fun spending time with friends that have known me so long that we can talk about anything and everything. I feel a little regret because I know that we only get together once a year with everyone’s busy schedule and I won’t see these special girls for another year. But, I am so happy that we make the time to do it.

One last thing for this Monday Night, Go VIKINGS!

On the cold front

For the past few days, my butt has been dragging. I feel like I am on the verge of a cold, and it just won't come full force. It's just a naggy annoyance. Tonight, instead of going home and crawling under the covers, I have to go to school and sit in class for an hour and a half. I also want to watch the VP debate tonight. I should also do some laundry so that tomorrow morning I can get dressed without scrounging though my Husband's sweaters to find something to wear that will keep me warm. I haven't pulled out my winter clothes yet, but I know that I should. We finally had to turn our heat on yesterday morning, but we held off as long as we could. So, alas, tonight will not be restful nor recouperative like I could use.

My little shadow

I must confess that for the amount of pleasure that Tullah, my almost 1 year old puppy, brings me, she also brings me much stress. I spend most of my nights afterwork washing the carpets or floors from her accidents, or picking up the stuffing from some toy she has recently torn to shreads. I can't say that I didn't expect that my time would be spent in this manner for puppies are a lot of work. I just forgot how much. She is a lovable little girl for all her quirks, she loves to snuggle, and much of her day is spent following me around. I am excited with the prospect that she will eventually mellow though, and I am counting the days.

Now for some good news. We have another appointment scheduled with our SW for next Thursday over lunch. I glad that we are seeing progress again, but I am guarded because she has yet to contact Elisabeth and Josh, and she must complete those interviews before our paperwork can go to committee again.

Family Photo Shoot

IMG_0050_filtered, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

This weekend I was lucky enough to have a photo session with a family of my coworker. When I woke up in the morning it was misty and foggy, and I worried that we would not get good shot. I was a little disappointed about the lighting, but overall I think that it went well.

Why DH and I should not talk politics

DH and I got into an argument last night, as we usually do when speaking about politics. You see within the past year I have been really paying attention to politics and trying to interpret what democrats and republicans truly stand for. It’s helped me to truly shape my views and what I think. DH is not at the same point, and I get frustrated when trying to point out that he’s regurgitating what the media is saying.
One thing he said last night was “give me a gun and let me protect myself”; I tried to point out that his was conservative view. He also said that the government doesn’t know what it’s doing. I tried to point out that he would then be in favor of less government, not more, which is also a conservative view. So, I came to the conclusion that we have the same views on more points then not. His reply was, “except for one thing, I want to help poor people and you don’t.” Who said that? Just because I believe that everyone should be held accountable for their own actions, and I think its fare that everyone capable of paying their own way should, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to help poor people.
It means that I would like to have control of my money and how I choose to help said poor people. I don’t want the government to take my money and give it to whomever they think deserves it. It’s my money and I earned it. I should be able to give it to the people I deem worthy of helping. It’s never a good idea for DH and I to talk about politics and I don’t know why we tried again last night, but one thing’s for sure. I won’t be baited to talk about it again anytime soon.

This weekend we had a little visitor. Her name is Savannah and she's our nephew Josh's little one. She's 13 months old and just a cutie. Josh brought her over on Sunday for a couple of hours to visit. Most of the time when he was there he and Jerry watched football, but that was alright with me because I got to spend some time playing with her. Although she's only a little over a year she's got such a personality. She's very curious and has the most infectious laugh. I wish I was able to see her more often. Every time I have seen her I have been tempted to tell Josh that I am willing to babysit whenever, but I know that offer would get abused and so I do not make the offer. I feel like I am losing out, but I know that I wouldn't be able to say no each time he asked. I love having children around, but it also frustrates me to no end when they leave because I have been waiting so long to have my own.

Another thing that makes me feel a little strange is that I am not sure what role I play in Savannah's life. I have parented Josh and feel maternal in that reguard, so she feels a little like a grandbaby, but alas, Josh is not my child, he's my nephew, so she's inevidably just a niece. I wonder how much attachment to her is appropriate. I don't want to step on anyones toes. She has a grandma. So, because of this I remain indifferent to her. I enjoy seeing her when I do, but I don't take any liberties that a grandmother might, by requesting time with her, or doing the little things a grandma might. I feel a bit cheated.

Josh and Elisabeth

I occured to me after Torina asked that I might not have mentioned Josh and Elisabeth before in this blog. Well, here's a bit about Josh and Elisabeth. A year after Jerry and I were married we got custody of his neice and nephew through the county because thier mother lost custody via a child protection call for neglect. At the time Elisabeth was 12 and I think Josh was 15. We had always been close to Josh and his brothers since they were little guys. They came over to our house every weekend to hang out with us, and I suppose to escape a bit. Elisabeth didn't really spend much time with us, and I suppose that was just because Jerry was closer to the boys being a "boy" himself.

Needless to say it wasn't a great experience since the whole family was still involved including their mom. Josh has FASD, but we didn't know it at the time. He has a low IQ and comprehension issues. He is smart enough to want the things that everyone wants, but gets frustrated with relationships and has a hard time working and keeping a job. All of these things we helped him deal with.

Elisabeth was a different story. I am pretty sure that she has RAD. She never really warmed to us and just did her own things no matter what we said or did. We had a very hard time with her running away all the time, stealing from us and other people. She even went to her mom's for a weekend and came home sick. We found out later that mom took her to have an abortion, but no one told us anything. She always went to her mom, which is understandable, but her mom would never keep us in the loop and would try and hide things from us. In the end the only way we could be sure where she was at, was by agreeing that she would live with her mom until she was 18. All in All she lived with us for 4ish years.

We still have an alright relationship with Josh. He calls once a week and comes over about that much, but we don't have much contact with Elisabeth. I don't trust her since she stole over 5000.00 worth of Laptops, Cameras, etc from us, with not so much as a sorry or feeling bad about it. Having read about kids with RAD etc, I understand the behavior, but it's hard when they aren't yours, and thier mom is family. I hope that doesn't sound like I mean that if I ADOPTED kids that it would be hard because they aren't mine. Because, in that situation, they would be mine.

Disappointed yet again

Well, after a call and an e-mail we got an update from the SW. Seems she met with her boss and the homestudy panel and there are yet more interviews to be done with Josh, Elisabeth, Andy, and us again. The questions that she outlined have already been answered once. I don't know if she just didn't write down the answers, but's it frustrating that we must now make time during our lunch hour to go down and meet with her again and answer the same questions over. She wants to meet with Josh and Elisabeth, whom we had custody years ago. She said that it's their policy to talk to adult children of those wanting to adopt. Even though they weren't are children, and all our parenting efforts were thwarted by their mother and other sibs, they still get to give input. Jerry and I still talk and see Josh often. I have no doubts what he might say, but Elisabeth is a different story. We never got close to her, she never let us. She also left under bad circumstances after running away repeatedly and stealling over 5000.00 worth of things from our house. We saw her last week at her grad party, but I have no idea how to get ahold of her. I know that she has no phone, and her mom's in a halfway house again.
So, here we are, still waiting. I am sure that we will be waiting until after the holidays, as our SW works at a glacial pace and they don't place kids around the holidays.

It's Here!

I have a new photography website. I am still in the process of adding things, but feel free to go check it out!

www.osowskiphotography.com

Keeping her Calm, it's impossible!

On Tuesday my little Tullah had her spay appointment. Upon picking her up I was told that I would have to keep her quiet and calm for 7-10days. This is proving to be a very hard thing to do. My darling little puppy loves to fetch and play tug. Every time I sit down on the couch she brings her ball to me and whines for me to throw it for her. It breaks my heart that she thinks I am ignoring her requests. When I let her outside, she immediately finds her “outside” ball and drops it at my feet. I have been trying to give her extra attention, rubbing her belly, and scratching her behind the ears, but it doesn’t appear that this is helping a bit. Any ideas other then keeping her confined in her kennel 24/7 would be appreciated.

Recently, I have stopped reading adoption blogs as much as I used to. Although there are a few that I read religiously, I have cut out many of them. There are two reasons for this. One reason is that I tend to do a lot of my net surfing at work, and I have been very busy lately. Second, I have been feeling like I will never be one of them. It feels like our adoption process will never get to the matching phase. It’s been a long time since I talked to our SW over the phone or in person, and when we e-mail back and forth there is not much substance to her responses to me. It feels like we floundering.
Doesn’t it seem like this is a common complaint with me?On a lighter note…I will finally be finished with our den tonight. Last night I finished putting up the remaining trim and putting the first and second coat of paint on it. Tonight, I will finish up the painting, and wash the floor again. Then, all we will need is carpet installed. That will have to wait until the bedroom is ready for carpet though. We plan to do the two rooms at the same time. It feels good to be finally getting it done, as the project has dragged on all summer long. Next up, the bedroom, then the bathroom, then we move!

This weekend was a success. You are probably wondering why that might be. Well, first of all, we were lucky enough to have Naz and Tekaija this weekend, and second, I felt like I got a lot accomplished.

Friday, we picked the kids up. It was kind of late, so we just watched a movie and ate some popcorn. We all fell asleep on the couch. On Saturday, we went to my step-dad’s house for a picnic, and to watch the annual Osseo Lion’s Roar parade. I planned ahead this year and brought zip lock bags with the kid’s names on them for all the candy. The plan was to go back to the house and let Naz take a nap, then go up to the fair and have dinner and ride rides. We never made it to dinner and rides because it started raining. So, we took the kids to Chucky Cheese and used up 200+ tokens. That Uncle Jerry is so generous with the little ones. After that we went home and got ready for bed. Sitting on the couch with popcorn we turned out the lights and watched the fireworks from Osseo over the treetops. We have a perfect view from our addition.

Sunday, we woke up and made Cinnamon pull apart for breakfast. Everyone had a bath, and we headed over to Cousin Elisabeth’s Graduation party. Sunni took the kids home from there, and I was able to finish up my laundry and hem my curtains.

Now, I hope that this week just flies by because next weekend we have NOTHING planned and it sounds very good right now.

Squirrel Monkey

Squirrel Monkey, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

When we were in KC we went to the zoo and my favorite animal was this little guy. I suppose that I liked him because he was so colorful and playful. But, I also liked him because the little kids got such a kick out of them. He and his brothers and sisters were really fun to watch.

So, I started school last week and I am excited about it. The class I am taking is called Concepts of Creativity. I wasn't sure if we would have to do art projects or not, and as it turns out we do!!! One of the projects given out last week isn't really "art", but it is inspired by Leonardo DiVinci. We had to come up with 100 questions that were relevent to us and we had to do it in one sitting. Let me tell you that it was really hard towards the end to come up with questions. The more and more I came up with the deeper in meaning they got. I guess that's the point of the assignment. I am just glad it's done. It's been a while since I was in school, and I'm a little rusty with assignments that use my brain so much, ha ha.
Speaking of school, all the little ones are back at it this week. It's so fun to hear the stories of my co-workers kids first days. Soon, I tell myself, soon...

Fishing with Uncle Jerry

Fishing with Uncle Jerry, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

We had a great time on our trip to Missouri. We brought Naz and Tekaija with and had many special moments with them. Although, by the end of the trip we had a few problems it was well worth it. I miss them now that they aren't with us anymore.
While in Missouri we went fishing, and little guy wanted to fish with uncle Jerry and it was really cute watching him try and fish with an adult pole(we didn't have a child sized one with us). In the end all he really wanted to do was cast and reel. It didn't matter if he had bait on or not. It makes me crave children of my own even more. There were so many moments where all TK and Naz wanted was to be held or cuddled by me, or wanted to show me something they found exciting. I can't wait for moments with my own kids like that.
I will tell you more about my trip when I have more time, but I felt like I should give you a little update!

Road Trip

Tomorrow Jerry and I will be leaving on our annual trip to Missouri to visit Jerry’s sister Angee and her family. I look forward to this trip because I miss them. Jerry and I rented a house with Angee and her husband Mike for a few years, then when we bought our house, they moved in with us for a couple years. We did a lot of things together, and when they moved to Missouri I cried for days because a part of me was gone. So, we have made it an annual trip we never miss. Now, Mike’s daughter Kali lives with them. She’s 17 and I will be taking her senior pictures this year. I can’t believe that she’s getting so old. Time goes by so quickly. They also have a little boy who’s name is also Michael, like his daddy. He’s so cute, but I have missed so much of his life I am anxious to scoop him up and hug him. In December, Angee will have another little boy. I think we will have to make a special trip down in the winter to meet him. I don’t think I can wait another year. Another reason why I like this trip is because we drive. This year is the first where it’s just going to be myself and Jerry. In the past we have always had someone with us. It will make the experience different, but I think maybe more relaxing too. While down in Sikeston, we will surely visit Lamberts. It’s an amazing Southern restaurant that has down home southern cooking where they throw rolls when your raise your arms. We will also probably venture 45 minutes Northwest to Lake Wapapello, which is a manmade lake that’s as warm as a bathtub, but its fun all the same. Jerry and Mike like to fish, and the kids like to play in the water. Sikeston also has an outlet mall, which we always visit, as well as a flea market. We will also be having a BBQ. Just thinking about it makes salivate. The point of this description is to say that I might not be blogging for a week or so because Angee only has dialup internet, and I’m not sure that I will be patient enough to blog, but maybe we can find a coffee shop with free wifi, and in that case I will.

Championship Trophy

IMG_0194 copy, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Today was our fantasy football draft. We now have a trophy and every past winner got thier photo taken with the cup. Although, I haven't won in 4 years. I am proud to say that I have in fact won over 10 boys. There are 2 girls in the league, me and another. Although we are outnumbered, we hold our own.
If we are blessed with a girl, when we adopt, I want to teach her that she can do anything that she puts her mind to. I want her to know that it's alright to be yourself, and not to be intimidated by boys. They are after all just people too. Besides, it's really fun to show them up, especially when they aren't expecting it out of you.
And, if we are blessed with a boy, I want to teach him never to underestimate what a girl can do. He will need to know that it's totally acceptable in todays world to expect girls to be able to do whatever boys can do.

Weekend up Nor'd'

Lounging, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

I spent the weekend with my Sister Mel and her boyfriend, and my dad and the family. It was a bunch of fun. Friday night we had dinner and a bonfire. It was nice to sit and chat, since we don't see eachother very often. The night ended with a game of SORRY(the board game) and a bowl of ice cream with all the toppings.
Saturday and Sunday we mostly spent fishing. Saturday, the girls took home the most fish, which Jerry and I filleted, and we fried them up for breakfest. They were so yummy. Sunday, we fished some more and my little brothers, dad, and Jerry finally got a chance to catch some fish of their own.
We fished on Island Lake, it's a manmade lake owned by Northern State Power. It's full of HUGE rocks etc. But, at least there was nice weather, and fish to catch.
Tullah and Trouble, my pups did a great job with Dad's 3 dogs. I expected more tiffs, but all in all, not to bad. Of course Tullah got car sick on the way up and on the way home. Now, I have to scrub my backseat. Just more practice I guess for life with kids.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my employment at my current job. Yep, to me it’s a job. It’s not a career because it’s not a field really. I am a support analyst. I guess you could say being an analyst is a career, but for me it’s work.
My tendencies have always been artistic. But, for the cash I have denied a HUGE part of myself in search of the almighty dollar. I want a comfortable life, a good home, and to be able to travel, and to give my future children things I didn’t have when I was growing up.
Everything I had ever learned about artists is that they are always poor, and must be supported by a benefactor, better known as a husband if said artist is a woman. My role model, my grandmother and a wonderful artist was. Of course, that’s because she was married in the forties and women just didn’t work. She was fiercely independent though, and had my grandfathers family not been very traditional in that regard I believe she would have.
I too am very independent, and since I was brought up in modern times, I have been allowed to make my own way. It’s really expected these days that a woman have her own career. It’s really begun to sink in that I have sacrificed a great deal fitting into that mold.
When I am not at work I spend most of my time drawing, taking photos, and gardening. I read books that transport me to new worlds. I create necklaces and purses, and I knit booties and sweaters. The list goes on and on. I wish that I could spend my days making ugly things beautiful, or turning a blank canvas into a work of art.
In a lot of ways my grandmother was blessed that she was able to spend so much time on her art, and that my grandfather nurtured her calling. I do wonder though, how much of a burden it was to not have the independence she longed for.
Last month I enrolled in a graphic design program; It happens to be what I was going to do right out of high school. Thinking back, I should have followed my original plan. Maybe I would love my career these days instead of toiling away at a job counting the days until I can do what I should have done.
I suppose most people have the same feeling about what they do, or could have done. I am not naive enough to think I am alone.
Here’s to hoping that next year, I will not be reciting the same rant.

Leaping

Leaping
Originally uploaded by gemjlo

Over the weekend we were blessed to have the kidlets to our house. They came over on Friday night and left on Sunday. It's always so fun to have them in the house. It feels more alive and active. We play and laugh. We do things like a "family", and I love to see the way that DH is with them. He's so protective and loving in a fatherly way. It's neat to see that aspect of his personality that I don't see very often.
On Saturday the kids wanted to run through the sprinkler. It was hot outside, and it was the perfect way to cool down. Tekaija loved the sprinkler, running and jumping, but little Naz was more hesitant. He wouldn't go through on his own. That ment that I had to go with him. I wasn't expecting to get wet so I wasn't dressed appropriatly, but it didn't matter, I hoisted him to my holders, and we all ran through the sprinkler. I got soaked in my t-shirt and khaki shorts. Naz barely got hils little toes wet. He laughed and giggled though, and it seemed like he had a good time. It brought me back to my childhood running through the sprinkler on the very same lawn when I was a child.

Huntington

Huntington
Originally uploaded by gemjlo

We met with Minks last night at the model of the home we are wanting to build. It love it. We talked about our different options and left the meeting feeling good. Next step, find a lot, and get our house sold.

We have eachother

Miniature 48
Originally uploaded by Composition Book

When things tough and I get frustrated, I know I've always got my sweetheart to help me through. I'm really lucky to have Jerry. When we were young, things were a little rocky, but we found our rhythem and I couldn't aske for a better man to grow old with.

Frustration

Frustration 2
Originally uploaded by gemjlo

I am not getting answers and I am getting frustrated. Jerry and I are trying to go on with business as usual, but it's always in the back of our minds.
Some news! We are meeting with a builder on Wednesday next week. We are getting closer to buying a new house. I am really excited. We are going to meet with the builder to talk about cost of all the upgrades that we want from the model. We found a couple of acres in Corcoran and we want to see if it will be feisable with the upgrades. Since the plan is to stay in this house until our children are graduated at least, we don't want to skimp on the things we really want to have.

Fierce

Fierce
Originally uploaded by gemjlo

This is a modification of a photo of my niece. She makes these faces that are Fierce. At least that's what I call them, but I dare anyone to disagree.
I wish I had news to report, but alas. Everything is going along status quo here. I never did hear back from the SW aftr e-mail voicemail. Waiting is so frustrating.

Garage Sale Table

Garage Sale Table
Originally uploaded by gemjlo

This weekend we had a garage sale. Once we started pulling things out to sell, I couldn't believe how much stuff we had. I was glad that the weather held out until almost 4:00pm, but I wish it wouldn't have been so hot. We sold alot, but have a lot more, so the plan is to have another sale in the fall when it's not so hot, and we can get more people involved.

Wonderful Weekend

This weekend was perfect. Friday I had the day off because I had to finish up my sleep study, and get educated on my new CPAP machine, ugh. It was Jerry’s birthday, but he decided to work anyway, so I had some free time to get some things done. After he got home, he opened his gifts from me: A fancy fishing reel that cost more then my Sigrid Olsen purse, a bottle of his cologne, and a book of baseball parks Now and Then. I think he was pleased because he told me so. Then, we went out to dinner with my sister at what other place then my honey’s favorite, Famous Daves where he ordered his usual Catfish Platter with Fries and Drunken Apples. He never looks at the menu anymore because that’s his favorite. We had a great time laughing and planning our camping trip to my dads in a few weeks. After dinner Jerry wanted to go get a new pole for his reel, so he could use it on Saturday, and some fishing line. Melanie and Scott came with because they were coming over after dinner to have cake. By the time we got done at Gander Mountain, it was poring rain, we all got soaked. When we arrived at the house I lite the candles and we all sang happy birthday and ate cake. Then night ended on a high note.
On Saturday Sunni (my sister-in-law) and her kids, Naz and Tekaija came over to help me make the garden stone for little man boo. We made Chicken Fettuchini, Tekaija’s request, and bread sticks. It was nice enough that we had lunch on the deck. After that we put the stone together, and set it out to dry. By the time we were done, it was time for them to leave. I was sad to see them go, but enjoyed the free time to go shopping for some plants and to buy the next book in the Stephanie Meyer Series, Eclipse, which I proceeded to devour it when I got home. Even though it’s meant as a book for young adults, I am now hooked. I even preordered the newest one that’s set to come out August 2nd.
Sunday was a lazy day. I planted my new plants and helped Jerry assemble the new top to the picnic table. Then it was time for him to get to softball, and I sat down to keep reading my new book.
So, the weather was beautiful, and all in all, I had a great weekend. Seems to me it won’t be as peaceful in a few months. But, I think it will be just as enjoyable and rewarding none-the-less.
Thanks Torina and Glenna, with the comments on my post from a few days ago. I think I will stop worrying about making myself a pest to my SW and find out what’s up.

My life is better for having been your human

Last Picture of Boo
Originally uploaded by gemjlo

Last night, I got home from work and you were sitting on my bed. I was supposed to come home during lunch to give your your pain pill, but couldn't get away, and I was worried you would be in pain. You seemed content when I got home, which made me feel relieved. I let the dogs out, and got them fed, then prepared your dinner. The vet said to try soft food or milk. That's what I got for you. I also got your medicine ready. As I picked you up from the bed you let out a little meow, which was the norm these past few days, and brought you to the dining room to feed you dinner. You weren't hungry, but I gave you your pill, which you proceeded to try and cough back up. Must be hard to swallow a pill when you don't want to drink any water.
I left you on a blanket so I could take the dogs out again and water my gardens because it's been very dry this past week. When I returned to find you, you were not on the blanket anymore. I found you sleeping on the dog's bed in our room. I figured I would let you rest. It would only be 2 more days until we put you down.
I guess you had other plans. As I was sitting at the computer, I heard you cough once, then again. I ran to see if you were alright. I found you lying on your side by the doorway. I wrapped you in a blanket and cradled you until the end. My sweet boy. I will miss your gentle purr in my ear and your hansome face. You lived a wonderful life little man. I am sorry it couldn't have been longer, but I must say that every moment you were alive was a blessing.
Boo~Booie~Boober~Little Man~Boozie~Boobie

Hoo Humm

Today I am feeling like starting our family though adoption is never going to happen. Because I don't have anyway to know what the status of our paperwork is without pestering our SW, which I don't want to do, then I feel out of control. What happens when I feel that way. Well, I eat.

I have been better today then yesterday but, I did break down and get an iced skim white chocolate mocha from Caribou over lunch. It was very yummy, but 390 calories I could have done without. Since we have been getting closer to the finish line with the adoption stuff, I have gained back 10 pounds that I lost over the winter. Aren't you supposed to lose weight when summer comes? I feel cheated. I guess I am just getting anxious for my day to come. Not to mention that AF is supposed to be delivering my monthly gift any day now. I expected it yesterday, but maybe she's late because Friday was a holiday. Who knows...

I am thinking that once we get through this week with Boo, my kitty who's being put down on Friday, I am going to get my butt in gear training Tullah. It seems that she's getting a little lax listening to commands. She's also jumping on people a lot these days. I wish she weren't so cute. I could be more firm with her, but she gives me the puppy eyes and snuggles into my neck and I melt like butter.

Our 4th Of July

Maia with a sparkler 2
Originally uploaded by gemjlo

We had a great time on the 4th at our friend Aaron's cabin. There was a bunch of us, and we spent the day in a lazy fashion. We played in the water, went tubing, skiing, we ate, we laughed, and we also played with fire. It will be fun to spend the 4th with children when we have them. Their awe and wonder over sparklers and fireworks is such a fun thing. It will be like experiencing them as children again.

Update on adoption...There's not update, as there's been no progress that I have seen. I have not heard from our SW in a couple of weeks. I will try and contact her again in a few more weeks, as that will be about the time she's supposed to be done with our paperwork.

On a sadder note. We have made the appointment to put our kitty boo to sleep. DH and I both wanted to be there, so Friday was the only day that would work. Unfortunatly, that's DH's birthday too. It's a shame that it has to be that way, but little buddy won't last another week and I definatly don't want him to suffer more then he needs to.
Keep us in your prayers.

SoooooBig

SoooooBig, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Last weekend we got to attend a surprise birthday part for my husband's neice Ericka. She turned 16. I also got a chance to see this little cutie. Her name is Savannah and she belongs to Joshua. My husband and I had custody of Joshua for 4 years. Since he's been an adult I don't see him as often as I would like, but he always calls to check in. He now lives with his grandma on his mom's side of the family and spends a great amount of time with his mom. She babysits Savannah a lot. I feel a bit left out, but I know that she's Josh's mom and Savannah's grandmom. I just wish I could be a bigger part of both of their lives.

Boston Harbor

IMG_0743, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

While were in Boston we had the opportunity to eat dinner at a little resturant on the Harbor. Our table was right next to an open window, and the photo above is the view that we had. In the ocean below you could see jellyfish. That was the first time I had ever seen them not on a TV screen. This view was Amazing and I am blessed to have had the opportunity to see it with my husband.

Update on the adoption front. No news. I did get a request from our SW for contact info for our roommate. I guess that's a good sign. It means that progress is being made, right?

On the homefront, we have had a great deal of plumbing and wall demolition happening in the past week. We made an appointment to have our outdoor faucets replaced. When we were getting ready for the appointment, moving stuff away from the wall to make room for our plumber, we discovered some mold, and soggy sheetrock. Ugh. That ment we ripped out part of a wall, and some carpet. We figured, good thing we found it, and that it wouldn't be an expensive fix, just sheetrock etc. Then, after the plumber came and fixed the faucets, he was turing the main water supply back on, and our hot water heater decided to spring leaks from various places on the unit. Ugh...That was Expensive. In summary, over the past week we have spend 1200.00 on plumbing repairs. I could think of so many other things we could have done with that money.

The Osowskis

The Osowskis, originally uploaded by gemjlo.

Our trip to NYC and Boston was fantastic. We had such a great time. I am in the process of editing my 1200 photos , but when I am done, I will share the whole story with you, with pictures.

Manic Monday

It's just another manic monday. I think this whole week is going to be a blur. DH and I will be on a flight to New York this thursday and I know the next few days are going to be busy with preporations for the trip. While in NY we are planning on going to a Yankees game, to see the statue of liberty, ground zero, and hopefully some other fun stuff. On Saturday we will be driving up to Boston for two days. While ther we are going to tour the Freedom trail and go to a Red Sox game. I just hope we haven't tried to pack too much into a five day trip. DH likes to be one the go so I am sure he will have no problem, it's just a matter of me keeping up.
Over the weekend I did all the laundry and cleaned up the house a bit. Tonight, I will mow the lawn. Tomorrow, I will start packing. Wednesday, I think I'm gonna just spend the night babying my pets because I am sure they are going to miss us terribly. I know that I will certainly miss them a bunch. It will be strange not having a wet puppy kiss to wake me up in the morning, but maybe I will be able to sleep later, and that would be nice.

Some days I feel just like this

Some days I feel just like this. I imagine that children in fostercare probably feel the same way. This little guy is one of my mom's puppies. You can't see it but, but he has 7 other brothers and sisters waiting for a home as well.
They are so cute and cuddley and I just want to take them all home with me, but I know that with a puppy comes a lot of work and issues. But they are all worth it in the end aren't they? They give so much love and joy.

Last night, I was sitting on the couch at 9:00pm when I realized that I hadn't thought about our adoption process all day. For so many days over the past year, it's been obsessively in my thoughts, so it was a weird realization to think that I hadn't mulled over an aspect of it all day. Daily, I check blogs of others who are waiting to adopt, or have already had their children placed with them. I went through that same routine yesterday, and not even then did I think about our process. I was curious to see what other people were up to. Weird that it didn't lead me to thoughts of children I might have.

I think today that I might send my SW a little e-mail to check on the status of our homestudy report. It has been a month since we finished up our interviews, so she should have had a chance to get started on our paperwork.

Last night we also got most of our travel reservations taken care of for our trip to New York and Boston that's right around the corner. It's strange to think that it's only a week away. I am looking forward to flying with my husband for the first time, and getting away from work for the first time since I started this job last August.

All I have to say is TGIF

MeMe 6/6/2008

Meme 06-06-2008
I am: exhausted
I think: I could try harder at work
I know: I will be seeing The Hulk this weekend
I want: To not be sleepy
I hate: That my puppy isn’t housebroken yet
I miss: My childhood
I fear: losing my mind
I feel: overwhelmed with choices
I hear: air coming through the vents in the ceiling
I smell: my gum
I crave: anything sweet
I search for: inspiration
I regret: not doing things I want to because I’m shy
I love: my husband
I ache: mostly over my entire body
I care: about my family
I always: pray before I go to bed
I am not: skinny
I believe: in miracles
I sing: in the car with all the windows down
I cry: over stupid things
I fight: when things are frustrating
I win: when it doesn’t matter
I lose: when it does matter
I never: eat broccoli
I listen: to music a lot
I can usually be found: in my garden or on my couch
I am scared: of snakes, alligators, so you will never see me move down south
I need: an hour of peace and quiet after work each day
I am happy about: lots of things
I hope: to be a mommy soon

Family

Last weekend My sis and I went to help my Dad, step-mom, and my brothers unpack and get settled into thier new house. Although it was a busy day filled with boxes of stuff searching for a new home, and the newspaper explosion of unpacking, I had a very good time. It's nice to spend time with them because I feel like part of a real family when I'm there.
After my parents divorced when I was young, I lived with my mom and sis. Mom had a crazy lifestyle working nights as a waitress, never having any money to speak of, always wanting for affection and stability. We had so many babysitters, and we spent a lot of time with my grandparents.
When we were alone with my grandparents things were good, but if mom was around too, there always seemed to be tension. It must be why I am anxious all the time now. We saw my dad on the weekends sometimes, and that was stressful too, because at that point I was close to mom and knew how she felt about him.
Now that I am grown and see my parents as adults I understand their personalities and the dynamics of the lives that they live. I love them both, but I sometimes wish I had grown up living with my dad instead of my mom. As I get older and become closer to having kids of my own, I wish that dad and my Duluth family didn't live so far away.